To My Friends

I'm sure you've all seen this before, but I think it's great!

To my best friends, I promise these 10 things:
1. When you are sad — I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. I’m the Heimlich queen.
3. When you smile — I will know you are plotting something that must include me.
4. When you are scared — I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you have no more fear.
5. When you are worried — I will tell you stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit complaining.
6. When you are grumpy — I will pop the backs of your knees with mine until you fall down laughing.
7. When you are confused — I will use little words.
8. When you are sick — Stay the hell away from me until you are well. I don’t want whatever you have.
9. When you fall — I will help you up but not before I point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
10. When you have to pee — Don’t look at me, I don’t follow other women to the rest room.
This is my oath…. I pledge it to the end. “Why?” you may ask; “because you are my friend”.
Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it,But only you can feel the true warmth.